Momartfully

Measure for Measure

I was thinking about how different my approach to "romance" is now compared to when I was younger - and how the quality of my relationships was (unconsciously) inversely expressed in my behaviour. I couldn't see it then. Now, in hindsight, it's pretty clear.

When I was younger whenever I started dating a new guy I would pour over "analysis" of our sun signs, Chinese astrology charts, compatibility charts, biorhythms, calculators, dating profiles, name numerology... even a church-sponsored premarital analysis program - to see if my prospective mate was a "perfect match".

I'd read about The Rules, practice every version of our names together and daydream about what our kids would look like (although I never Photoshopped prospective children). I desperately sought a variety of ways to measure my prospective mates to find some sort of indicator of success. I was hedging my dating bets and looking for a romantic guarantee - a  fairytale ending guarantee.

Which, really, was a disaster in the making. 

I should have been paying attention to the realities of my romantic encounters. I was so reassured by the "analysis" and "evaluation" of my relationships that I forgot to pay attention to what was really going on. Instead of worrying about what phase of the moon it was or where the planet was hurtling through space at the moment I took my first breath I should have paid attention to my paramour's spending habits, choice of friends, leisure activities, integrity... and what their priorities were.

Case in point; my Ex and I were supposedly 75% compatible when all measurements were lumped together - which was fairly high. I had absolute stacks of "analysis" that predicted that my ex and I would be ever so compatible in everything from career goals, parenting styles to housecleaning standards.

Right.

On paper it seemed my relationship with my Ex was destined to be a fairytale - the proverbial golden pumpkin coach riding off into the sunset and a "Happily Ever After" close the book ending.

In reality it was really more of a train wreck on a dark and stormy night.

On the opposite side of the spectrum - M and I are supposedly not compatible - yet M and I have had a friendship that has spanned 20+ years. I don't think we've ever had a serious fight - plenty of testy or annoyed discussions, but never a loss of respect or decency for each other when we're discussing issues. And we laugh - even in the middle of annoyed discussions and embarrassing moments - we've never lost that.

If my past history of romantic success predictions by 3rd party analysis is anything to judge by, then the incompatibility that M and I share means we're actually a perfect match that will last forever.

What I think is more telling, though, is that I didn't even know we were supposedly not compatible until tonight - 20 years after first becoming friends and more than 2 years into our romantic relationship - I just found out. I've never looked - and it never even occurred to me to check to see if we were compatible. I just knew - I didn't need to have anyone else tell me we were perfect together.

And really? That's the only guarantee there ever is.

Mommyblogs are like reality TV

I confess - I don't watch TV much anymore. Well, aside from some inadvertent Treehouse TV (Canadian preschool channel) or the odd Star Trek rerun.

I really stopped watching TV years ago when the networks were forced to create a pile of shows that weren't dependent on traditional writers. The networks decided to place bikini-clad drama-addicted wannabe spokesmodels in front of TV crews in remote locations and told them to writhe and cry on cue for the camera crew. It seems they felt their experiences would "represent" what isolation, starvation and pain were really like. They called it "entertainment". They called it reality TV.

It was... nothing like the reality. It still isn't.

I could only stand to watch one episode of "reality" TV. The suspension of disbelief was too much for me - I couldn't get past the fact that the spokesmodels were performing for what I knew was a very comfortable and well equipped TV crew on site - with craft services, honey wagons, dressing rooms, microphones, generator trucks, Key Grips, Best Boys and overpaid Teamsters.

It wasn't real - it wasn't even believable - but it sold, it sold like crazy, and it was cheap - and audiences loved it. The drama, the gossip, the cruelty and pain - the audiences loved it all because it was entertaining and constantly fresh - and deep down they knew it wasn't real.

Real starvation, real deprivation, real illness doesn't sell like "reality" TV does. Watching pretty people cry for money doesn't make us uncomfortable. Documentaries are about real pain - and so documentaries are rarely commercially sucessful because real pain is hard to watch and it hurts us - and most importantly it makes us angry or motivates us to make a change.

That's what many documentaries want to do - they don't just entertain - they want to share, build a community, make a change. What's real motivates documentarians to do something, to learn and grow - to challenge preconceptions and be brave enough to find out errors. It is hard - incredibly hard - it is anything but passive - but it has integrity because it's real.

That's a huge the appeal of "reality" TV - we can walk away from the drama of "reality" TV and gossip about it, speculate about outcomes, complain or admire - but we don't feel the need to do anything personally. We aren't outraged or threatened or introspective - It's not about us - it's not real - it's entertainment. We know in the end that the mock-suffering of the pretties will be rewarded with a seat next to Barbara Walters.

I was comfortable with the decision to skip out on what TV had become, and I moved on to content online. For a while my documentary loving soul found a huge amount of amazing real content in blogs - filled with integrity and genuine voices. Then blogging started to change - blogging for profit hit the mommyverse - and suddenly there were "celebrities" and "fans", conventions, endorsements and compensated reviews. Discussion was no longer wanted and dissenting opinions were punished. Profit was king and content was demoted to serving wench.

I realized this change was remarkably similar to what the TV industry went through a few years prior. Suddenly blogging - mommyblogging especially - was no longer about genuine experiences, unique points of view, creating a community, discussion of issues or growth.

The real voices were mocked by the simulated reality, pretend pain and commercialized angst that celebrity bloggers engaged in for profit. We were entertained - but we should have been angry.

The consequence of all this simulated "reality" is that the issues - the real issues - have been shunted aside in the name of profit and entertainment. It has became more fashionable and popular to participate in ridiculous polarizations on TV - like on Dr. Phil's divisive mommy debate - or Momversation's insulting segment on working moms. TV producers no longer research issues to pitch - they run to Google to find a "celebrity". Who cares if they know anything about the subject? Celebrity has replaced authority. Celebrity is the new authority.

As long as you're famous your opinion - about anything - matters. It shouldn't.

We shouldn't tolerate it when celebrities are encouraged and rewarded for speaking on an issue they have no experience with. Speaking on our issues. We should be furious that our realities are being cheapened and mocked for profit. We should all be furious that our voices are being silenced and discounted - we are not what they'd like to pretend we are, and it's about time they found out. We don't need a celebrity or a spokesmodel simulating our lives, our challenges and our pain for their profit. Our realities deserve respect, a genuine voice and integrity.

We all deserve more real in our "reality".

Hourly Photo Project

Today was the "Hourly Photo Project" (see Andrea's blog entry for more details and a list of participants).

The assignment was to take one photo each hour of our day. I took the extra challenge and tried for no retakes - and didn't completely succeed - there were a couple unsteady shots I re-took. My day went fast - but it's wasn't literally a blur.

I took the photos with my camera phone and whatever environmental lighting there was for each event. Here's what my day looked like (or rather, what my day  was looking at)...

6 a.m.

On my way to catch the bus to work. The sun isn't even up yet, and the roads are pretty deserted.

7 a.m.

Knitting on the bus. I'm working on a ruffle scarf for my daughter - with yarn she picked out Click "Verve 110" and Shetland's Classic Wool in "Rich Red Tweed". I'm knitting with a 8mm bamboo circular needle - much easier to use on the bus during the rush hour squeeze than long straight needles. After all, I might poke someone - completely by accident. Of course. ;-)

8 a.m.

Already at the office, getting a start on my day and surveying my cubicle "flair";

• the pink pom-pom creature by my monitor is a "Warm Fuzzy" gift from one of my kids, made in Kindergarten class
• jewel case pumpkin calendar - a department project/perk. It's a major accomplishment that it's on the correct month today, usually it takes me a few days to change over
• my stand-up Swingline stapler - sadly in blue not iconic red.
• Various incarnations of sticky notes, because you can never have too many sticky notes

9 a.m.

I'm on my way to a meeting, and I stopped to peer over the handrail at the atrium in the center of the building. Allll the way down...

10 a.m.

Coffee break time - paid for, not free - because I don't look like my pet.

11 a.m.

In a meeting with a colleague, who was wearing these cute sandals. I'm wearing boots - I've already surrendered to Fall.

12 noon

Time to head out for some lunch. And some colour... any colour...

1 p.m.

Drinking yet more coffee (in an environmentally un-friendly cup) and feeling a little Twitchy now.

2 p.m.

Still working. Move along. Nothing much to see here, folks.

3 p.m.

My Veer "Excuses and Alibis and Reasons Why" spiral-bound cubicle swag. There's a bunch of photos with captions explaining why I'm not in my cubicle. The caption for this "Where Am I?" photo: "Daycare called. Another 'Incident'".

4 p.m.

Heading home from work, through the trees, looking at the stained glass bridge up above the sidewalk.

5 p.m.

Driving home in the car with M, we made a quick stop to drop off a very sexy stage light for a client of M's. M loves LED stage lights. If M had his way this is what our house would look like every Christmas.

6 p.m.

We took the kids to Red Lobster as a treat.

The kids enjoyed ripping various sea creatures to pieces. It was a quick (and tasty) demise.

7 p.m.

Bathtime. With Captain Rex, of course.

8 p.m.

Bedtime for both kiddos.

9 p.m.

A London Fog (Earl Grey & Lavender black tea, vanilla syrup & steamed milk) for mom while the kids settle down for the night... and maybe a little more knitting.

10 p.m.

Catching up on some great new media content; Did You Know 4.0  I enjoyed the video and I think I'll be using it at work (like many other great instructional videos) - even if I was momentarily Rick Roll'd.

11 p.m.

I'm in my pajamas and my bathrobe. Night everyone!

Mom's Night Out

Mom's Night out...

Drinking Bellini Slurpees with my friend M (and her gorgeous embroidered suede jacket) and enjoying dinner while being spoiled by a flamboyant waiter.

Then we were off to a lecture by artist Judy Chicago.

Her drink had a beautiful pink mermaid in it and mine had sickly green a giraffe. Art imitates life. LOL!