Three years ago today "M" and I went on our first official date - to our local Harry Potter "Deathly Hallows" book launch party downtown - which was renamed "Diagon Alley" for the evening. The book would begin selling after midnight, and we were there to get our hands on a couple copies as quickly as we could.
It was a fun night filled with costumes, acrobats, jokes, teasing and merriment - and coffee. Lots and lots of coffee. "M" and I had a wonderful time socializing while waiting in line with other HP fans while we tried our best to get over any first date awkwardness. We headed home near dawn with our new books and the beginnings of a new relationship.
I have to admit - it was weird dating someone I had been friends with nearly two decades previously - but it was also very reassuring. I had sworn off dating - I had completely lost faith in romantic relationships. I felt that I had missed my one opportunity for romance or any of the "normal" parts of being loved. If I didn't get any of it from my ex - I certainly wouldn't get it now.
I know a lot of single moms who think exactly the same thing.
I had decided to concentrate on raising my children to the best of my ability - and to forget about my own needs. My children were my first priority. I decided to forget about my need for love.
That was not the best or healthiest idea, I'll admit, but I was facing what looked like an insurmountable challenge. Not only was I a single and divorcing mom, but we were starting over again with nothing, and I was raising two kids with health issues - one with special needs and incredibly complex issues. We were also dealing with extensive emotional issues. One of my kids and I were still in counseling and treatment for emotional damage which had an impact on everything from sleep disturbances to discipline.
I honestly thought that there was nobody who would see us as having any value - we were far from perfect and we never would be perfect. We had no hope.
Enter "M". I already knew him as a friend - and I knew what his values were and who he really was as a person - and not just his dating "game face". I knew I could trust him with myself and my kids (even though I knew "M" and I knew I could trust him I still contemplated running a police check on him - which I do recommend to everyone when dating as a single parent).
I wanted to give up, but "M" wouldn't let me - he'd already let me "get away" the first time twenty years prior, and he didn't want to let me go the second time. He was already my friend and he knew we could be much more. I was bewildered that this great guy didn't "get it" - we weren't perfect and he could do so much better.
In reality I didn't "get it". We didn't have to be perfect, nobody was - we were wonderful just as we are. We already had immense value - to the right person.
"M" has worked hard over the last three years to show the kids and I that he values us immensely, and that biology has nothing to do with who your family are. Biology doesn't make a parent - choice does. Biological parents can choose to not be parents (and many do) and someone without a biological tie can make the choice to be a parent (and many do).
I'm very glad that "M" never gave up on me, or on us or on love. It's an amazing feeling knowing that you and your kids are worth it.
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