Momartfully

A Few Things About Me

I was tagged for this meme six times in Facebook so it's about time I got around to it. I've edited some of the personal information out.

• I have two kids & I'm the only woman I've know who never had any labour to deliver her biological kids (both were delivered prematurely by c-section for medical emergencies). I'm not having any more kids.
• I hate saying "I'm in a relationship" or using terms like "boyfriend" or "significant other"... or "sort of their step-dad" or "we're common law". I always feel like there aren't adequate labels for our lives... and I end up explaining my life story to everyone. LOL
• I'm now officially divorced. IMHO the divorce decree should be a LOT fancier (it's plain, white paper from a dot-matrix printer with perforated edges) and should be delivered by heralds dressed in velvet and trumpeting a fanfare - or at least it SHOULD be for the effort and cost involved.
• There's lots of things I love about my work and lots of things I hate - pretty much like any other job, but with more typing.
• 6. I desperately want to go to Greece some day - to visit my friend A and let all our kids play together... and to lie on the beach for decades, if possible. The movie "Mama Mia" has increased my desire to go to Greece exponentially - and probably everyone else's, too.
• Speaking of Abba, I used to sing "air band" to Abba with a bunch of neighborhood kids in our basement rec room... this was one of our favourite things to do. I think it's hilarious that my friend S ended up as a professional musician after being saturated with Abba in such a scarring manner.
• I drink a LOT of coffee - in part because I'm chronically exhausted and in part because it's a common lifestyle adaptation many Asthmatics make.
• My hair has been a variety of colours over the years... red, white blonde, and every shade of brown (it's natural state). It turns strawberry blonde in the sun - but I tend to stay out of the sun (I burn, not tan). My hair has also been long enough to sit on and too short to curl at one stage or another. Now my hair is turning grey... and I'm not sure what to do with it.
• I need to get new glasses and I have no idea what kind of frames to get this time. Or contacts. Hm.
• I just started knitting. I tried learning knitting and crochet in high school and it was a DISASTER. I've been knitting for about 2 weeks now, and I've cranked out a few hats for the kids and their friends. I have enough hat orders to keep me busy for a few months, and now I've joined Ravelry. I may never leave the house again.
• I still can't crochet. Drives. Me. Bonkers.
• I love swimming and used to competitively swim as a kid, but I really didn't enjoy the competition part of it. I love just playing in the pool with the kids.
• I hear "Are you a nurse?" or "Are you a doctor?" from a lot of people when discussing my son's medical issues or history with other parents or with medical staff. The only people who don't say that are other moms of medically complex kids - they talk just like I do, and they also think it's normal. LOL
• I'm a closet economist. I love economics and observing how economic systems behave. This has often lulled family members to sleep when I wasn't playing an economic Cassandra for the last 2 years and pronouncing dire warnings about the economic crisis.
• I read obsessively. My night table and walls are covered with bookshelves and I always need more space for books. Thank goodness the kids and M are also bibliophiles.
• I hate the colour orange - especially in electronic format. I call it "eyeburner orange". I also think it's not a good colour for cars. Perhaps it's trauma from the 70s... I'm not that fond of goldenrod either.
• I hate ironing.
• I am a feminist - I believe that evaluating others based on their gender instead of their capabilities is pathetic and inexcusable.
• I believe Christianity should be modeled after Christ's example: service-centric, child-focused, no gender or class bias, non judgmental, socially based and with representatives of both genders that are part of and live within the community. Unfortunately I haven't found a church yet that shares that stance.
• I refuse to play Scrabble with M - I think it would damage our relationship irreparably. His vocabulary is devastating and he's SO SMUG about it. He thinks it's hilarious. I think it's a relationship mine field.
• Since I was a kid I've brought my mom a bouquet of pussy willow blossoms every spring. Some were pilfered from neighbors. Don't tell mom.
• My favourite flower and scent is lilacs. I would LIVE in a lilac bush it it wasn't for winter. It's actually really difficult to find find lilac perfumed anything (evidently it's really difficult to extract lilac oil from lilac flowers).
• I've never had long nails. My nails are very flexible and break easily, I've never invested in fake nails. I envy my friend T's beautiful nails.

The story of the name Momartfully

About 4 weeks ago the children had a visitation (with their biological dad) at a local library. While the kids visited with him I wandered around the "Fine Arts" section of the library looking for anything interesting. I found the book "Living Artfully", found a chair, cracked it open... and fell in love.

"A heart-full guide of ideas and inspirations that celebrate life, love and the moments that matter"

And it really is.

For weeks now I have been considering taking up blogging again. I had been a blogger for years starting back in 2002. I blogged through my son's health issues, my pregnancy with my daughter, and up to the point when I became a single parent. I participated in all sorts of bloggy goodness (Friday Five, Blogathon) and I was part of a large mommyblog community. I loved it. Then, I stopped blogging for privacy reasons - to protect myself and my children.

For weeks now I've been debating blogging and exploring new ideas - a new blog name, a new theme, designs I could work on, content ideas... perhaps something about fine arts or parenting. BFA Mom? Artymom?

I also desperately wanted somewhere to store the billion sketches, paintings, sculptures, exercises and projects my kids create on a daily basis. My house is stuffed to the rafters - and the kids have barely started school. I shudder to think of a future of wading through a million art projects.

I realized, why not digitize them? Save room at home, and I could share everything easily! While I'm at it I could immortalize my art projects, too.

So I had the beginnings of my blog idea. I started eying the kids' projects with glee - instead of dread. I stopped trying to find a secret way to dispose of their projects and I started thinking about how to digitize everything.

So after reading the book "Living Artfully" and deciding to digitize our projects I decided on the blog title "Momartfully". 

After reluctantly returning "Living Artfully" to the library (I don't share well with others, it seems) I ran to the mall to pick up my very own copy. Right next to "Living Artfully" on the shelf was the book "The Artist's Way". I had a sudden flash-back to my first years with a degree in Fine Arts under my belt. "The Artist's Way" had a huge word-of-mouth following among my friends and co-workers. I never ended up reading it, though. Standing there in the bookstore I cracked the book open... and fell in love with yet another book.

I bought it... and the "The Artist's Way" workbook, and "Living Artfully".

I decided - for the next 12 weeks I will be following "The Artist's Way" program here, online. I'll also be archiving our art projects and recording my thoughts on living as art-fully as I can.

About my divorce

I got the official word today: my divorce decree. The certificate itself is a bit of a let-down (dot-matrix print out, perforated edges, plain white paper) but I'm relieved the process is completed.

I left the blogging world when I left my former husband. My "Wusband". Many of my friends know that I became a single mom but they don't know what happened.

My life with my wusband was miserable. I tried for years to "make the best of it" because I believed that maintaining a horrible marriage was still better than a divorce. I eventually learned that divorce is often much more healthy than a toxic marriage could ever be.

We lived a miserable life. The wusband has a long history of irresponsibility, neglect, selfishness and antisocial behaviour. It didn't start out that way... it developed over time. The children and I suffered long-term emotional and verbal abuse and extreme financial control. It became physical, it became unlivable.

I begged our church for help and was told by our parish priest to return to my wusband and "prayerfully submit" to him. The message was clear; the happiness and safety of my children and I didn't matter - obeying my wusband mattered, staying married mattered. Appearances mattered.

I knew I couldn't count on our church for any help.

That last night as I locked the kids and myself in my bedroom while the wusband rampaged downstairs... I knew it wasn't going to get better. Ever. I decided even if I was going to burn in hell for divorce - I was going to save my kids.

The next morning while he was out of the house I called the local woman's shelter, they did an assessment and advised me to leave immediately; we were at high risk. The shelter sent a taxi because - like many women in these situations - I had absolutely no money. I picked up my newborn and my preschooler a couple changes of clothes... and we left.

Unfortunately, the wusband has chosen to continue his pattern of behaviour. What he does now with his life is his choice - nobody else is forcing him to live as he does. Nobody ever forced him to make the choices he's made. He was ordered to attend counselling and classes - and refused. He was given the chance to "prove himself" to the kids and I - and refused. He's made his choices. The wusband's family also completely blames me - I made him act that way, my wusband is a victim. They refuse to admit that anyone in their family could choose behave the way my wusband did - and how he still does behave. I guess that meets their needs.

I will let my life and my accomplishments - but most of all my happy, healthy children - do the speaking for me. My first priority was and still is my children. Through it all I've had sole custody of the kids, maintained an excellent career, rebuilt my finances, provided a healthy happy home for the kids, put all three of us through extensive counseling and come through it with flying colours. It hasn't been easy doing this on my own, but it's been healthy and happy. We're moving forward, we're much better off than we ever were before - the kids are thriving.

Time to move on.