Momartfully

Dr. Laura on Working Moms

Being a SAHM is, according to Dr. Laura, "the best gift a woman can give herself, her family and society". Being a SAHM is "the sweetest thing you can do for your family". But this isn't a slam against working moms - Dr. Laura insists. It's just that working just isn't as important as staying at home - but she wouldn't want working moms to feel guilty.

That's her "sense of humour".

According to Dr. Laura it's so tough being a SAHM - "they're told they're setting themselves up for terrible things". What precisely does Dr. Laura want? Does she want deliberate denial of some harsh, but necessary realities? Does she want SAHMs to live in ignorance of the need for an education, health care coverage, pensions, the possibility of divorce, the need for their own credit rating, self-development, their own needs and a million other realities... so they don't feel bad?

Yes, it's harsh being a SAHM when confronted by those issues. It's also harsh being a working mom confronted by those issues. The decision to be a SAHM should be an informed decision, shouldn't it? Aren't we adults? Why do we need to be shielded from reality in order to make our choices?

Notice Dr. Laura's mocking tone when she speaks of herself as a career woman. She states that her son "didn't even know his mother worked". Why not? Why hide that fact? Is it that horrible for her darling son to realize his mom was just like the majority of moms - and like the majority of adults - she worked?

Dr. Laura asserts "you can do both as long as you're not wearing yourself out" - then she lists all the priorities a mom should also be concerned with. This is just laughable. She implies that working moms should pursue flexible working options. I guess she believes flexible work options are easy to come by.

In a recession.

The reality is flexible work options often have to be earned over time... by career moms. You'd better believe that my kids knew I was a working mom long before I got my career to the level where I could telecommute in my jammies once in a while.

Don't fret says Dr. Laura - once the kids are in school you have that whole "middle of the day" to do... and she stumbles here... to do whatever. Like that law career you left years ago... you can squeeze that in between Kindergarten drop off and pick up - right?

There's a missing reality here. Most work opportunities you can squeeze into the "middle of the day" - especially if you've been out of the workforce for a while - will be in the service industries. Part time - lower pay than you'd need to support your family on your own - and probably without benefits.

Meridith asked "Don't [moms] have to live in the real world?"

Dr. Laura asserts that the real world is women leaving work and being SAHMs. Really. After all, day-cares are going out of business for lack of children! Really! All moms are leaving the workforce - and now they're shocked to realize they didn't need to work after all. None of them - even in this recession (which she doesn't seem to think matters very much). "They don't let things like this economy get in the way..." says Dr. Laura. Those moms just need to be forced into staying at home to recognize the errors of their wrong-thinking about needing to work.

I love how Dr. Laura excuses her own working mom career as being, well, special. She wasn't like all the other working moms. She's the only special working mom who made arrangements for her child that weren't harmful. The rest of us working moms apparently throw our kids into a pit of howling wolves and bubbling acid (otherwise known as "child care") as we saunter off in Prada to our silly, unnecessary careers.

Not that Dr. Laura's attacking us.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

If you're a SAHM who doesn't have an independant financial welfare plan for yourself and you believe Dr. Laura whole-heartedly then I highly recommend reading "The Meaning of Wife" by Anne Kingston.

If Dr. Laura's telling the truth this book won't change your mind about Dr. Laura's opinion - but if Dr. Laura is wrong in fifty million ways... then you might be in for some good, useful information that could help you... and your kids.

Working mom or SAHM - I'm not going to tell you you're doing is wrong - I just want to make sure you're doing it right.

God's Sense of Humour in the Bookstore

As we often do M the kids and I ended up at a book store this evening. Judging from the number of books in bookcases in our home (and even more telling the number of books that don't fit in the bookcases) this isn't an unusual circumstance for us. The additional motivating factor we had for our bookstore visit was the gift card burning a hole in my son's pocket (a birthday present from his biological father). He wanted to spend it. Now!

There are some days where I can see the "hand of God" in everyday things... and I know that God has a sense of humor. Our bookstore trip yielded:

• Domiknitrix - I was very reluctant to return this book to the library, but I did, just this morning. I really loved that book. I hadn't seen a copy of it in any knitting section of any bookstore I've been in recently. I loved that book - but I knew I needed to return it. That's what libraries are all about (this is a hard concept for me... this sharing thing).

So I let it go.

It is rather Karmic that I found it the same night at the random bookstore we wandered in to - and it had never been in stock before.

• a sheep puppet (from Folkmanis), slightly damaged and on sale.

I've been trying to make myself a stuffed sheep (with hideous results) for a month. The sheep puppet we found tonight is so adorable... and since I'm a zodiac Sheep I'm rather partial to it.

Especially as it's "slightly damaged" - aren't we all?

I must confess, we have a puppet problem in this household - we probably more than a dozen Folkmanis puppets in our house, including some we special ordered - a few of our puppets are now discontinued "collector's items" (who knew?). I think they're still more valuable to us - but it is nice to know there's a secondary college fund available, if needed.

• I also found the book Momma Zen - on sale for $5.00.

After my post about M the Zen Master yesterday, how could I resist a book with that title?

God certainly has a sense of humor!

Disaster or Opportunity (and a free book)

It's all over the news - the economic "crisis" is causing hardships. We see articles about former "Masters of the Universe" who are now facing a future less flush with cash and where their sense of entitlement needs a little adjusting:

"How can you complain about my spending when you don’t have an adequate income?" laments Tracey Scott (you have to wonder what people like that consider adequate). Evidently they're down-sizing their university expectations "Now I tell myself Harvard is not the only school" but their fashion expectations haven't diminished to "unacceptable" levels, "Don’t make me look like a jerk... but I cannot bring myself to buy my children’s clothes at Wal-Mart".

What is it about wealth that convinces normally rational families that they've been given a divine endorsement of superiority and an increased level of entitlement?

What on earth happened to savings? Or charity? Or cutting back on income you don't require for your needs to spend more time with your family?

This crisis makes lots of pull-quote worthy opportunities for the media, plenty of pretty families bemoaning their reversal of fortune, like the Scotts - but the media forgets, that isn't everybody. It isn't even most people.

There's a HUGE population of people who will view this economic crisis as an opportunity. Middle and low income families that previously faced the prospect of unsuitable rentals for the rest of their lives may now have hope for a home of their own someday - if the prices of homes continue to spiral down to levels where real income levels dictate market value.

There are plenty of jobs that aren't touched by Wall Street mass layoffs - the high income earners aren't everyone, there's teachers, nurses, public employees and service industries that will stay fairly stable even if luxury goods and services and executives fail.

M and I have always adhered to the financial philosophy;

live within your means - and work to meet your needs

We live within the income we have (we both trained in the arts, we've lived lean lives at times, which has taught us a great deal about economy and thrift) and we work to meet our needs - not our wants. Meeting our wants is icing on the cake - meeting our wants is the same attitude we have toward junk food - occassionally it's a treat to enjoy, but a steady diet would ruin us. Rarity makes it more enjoyable.

We also agree with this statement in Suze Orman's latest book "Suze Orman 2009 Action Plan - Keeping Your Money Safe & Sound":

There is a way out: Honesty. With yourself. With your partner. With your children. If you are ready to face up to what you can honestly afford, if you are willing to live within your means, not within your dreams, you can turn this around. If you are ready to commit to an action plan that makes sure there is enough money left over at the end of the month to pay every bill and save money too, you are on your way to living a life of financial security .
But you have to be willing to get honest about every facet of your financial life.

Suze's book is available for a short time for FREE: download Suze Orman's latest book. It's an American based book, but has financial advice useful for everyone (found at The Mother of All Parenting Blogs).